I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
