I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
