No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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