i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
