Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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