I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
