ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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