We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
