what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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