called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
