I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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