just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
