She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
vagina is talking i cant
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
