the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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