I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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