Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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