i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its about making memories worth repressing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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