nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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