9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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