i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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