I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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