I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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