I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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