I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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