this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
