As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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