my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
