It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
