I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
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Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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