i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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