i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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