He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize