and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
