Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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