She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
