Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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