Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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