I cannot find my penis.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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