the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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