We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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