id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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