There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
