from now on my penis is your penis
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
