The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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