At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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