sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
