I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
