I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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