when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
