I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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