C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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