youre lurking in front of me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
