Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
