apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
