I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
