I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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