I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
