i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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