What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
