I can tuck mytits in my pants
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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