my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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