Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
