So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
