if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
