i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
