Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
