I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize